At the same time, kids are extremely expensive today and if you have them and something happens between you and the mom, the courts are extremely bias towards men, regardless of who should be the sole parent.
I'm running into the same issue with trying to meet a woman without kids. They all ask me if them having kids is a problem and I tell them no, that I understand that they have a child who receives their first priorities in life. I also let them know that I don't mind if they have to reschedule a hundred times due to being unable to find a babysitter, etc. I let them know that I'm willing to compromise to make things work if I like them.It's a pretty big risk having kids with any woman. What's worse is trying to be a step parent. One girl chewed my ass out about how to hold her 1 year old daughter who was almost 2. She didn't seem to care that I fathered 2 other kids a decade prior to meeting her. I walked out on her, quit answering her calls, because she was disrespectful and because of her imaginary high expectations. I wasn't going to put up with it.
After some women get pregnant and have a baby, they change their mind about you real quick. After we had kids our problems just never seemed to keep adding up.
My ex wife tried to leave me 2 separate times after our daughter was born. She went and stayed with her dad for a month and then stayed with her mother down in Florida for a couple of weeks telling me I needed to go see a therapist. If my ex wife didn't get what she wanted, she always resorted to gaslighting. She came back though. Same thing when our son was born, she went on several other escapades to try to leave me. But those were over a span from when my son was barely a year old to being 8 years old now. So we've had our problems for a long time. I was just in denial about it.
Women tend to change their mind about their partner after a span of time. After a baby is born, they expect their partner to step up and improve. Come to think of it. I didn't think a relationship should be about bettering or changing one self for the other person's comfort. That's like me expecting my future girlfriend to go off and get a really high paying job and be 20 times better than she was before. Just no. That's bullshit.
I'm sick of women having renewed imaginary high standards, stupid expectations, and bs entitlement because they had your children. It's not fair and it's not a game they need to play.
Looking back my wife wanted out of our marriage many times. I was told by a guy that's 17 years older than me, he's been divorced twice, told me that "Women get with men thinking they will change and men get with women thinking they wont change." and this is very true for the most part. I thought me and my ex wife would be together till the end of our lives. How wrong I was. She's changed so much since I met her.
I honestly have stayed away from women who have more than one child. I've even met girls that were moving so fast, way way to fast for me, that they wanted to go ahead and get pregnant the night of and get married months later. Nope, not doing that. Go find some other poor schmuck to baby trap.
Not to sound obtuse or narrow minded, Women who have kids with Autism is a deal breaker. I don't want to take care of someone's kid for the rest of my life. It's not their fault. But if I can avoid that, than I will. I was seeing this woman for a month who had a son with autism and he's 11 and according to her he still acts like he's 2. He has to wear a diaper still because he defecates all over himself still, He throws screaming tantrums, and if her dad isn't around to watch him, he's even more volatile. That relationship just looked f***ed from the start from where I was standing.
So, I decided that there was no way in hell that I was subjecting my 2 kids and myself to that environment back than. Because I was going through a divorce back than and my kids weren't ready to meet anyone else. So I broke up with her and have had no regrets or second thoughts about it.
As for dating a woman who has 3 to 5 kids who all have different fathers. I've backed out on that too just for the fact that it's too expensive even for me.
I'm done having kids. How I look at it is that I had my 2 kids when I was in my early 20's and it was hard and I'm done. I put in my time.
I'm running into the same issue with trying to meet a woman without kids. They all ask me if them having kids is a problem and I tell them no, that I understand that they have a child who receives their first priorities in life. I also let them know that I don't mind if they have to reschedule a hundred times due to being unable to find a babysitter, etc. I let them know that I'm willing to compromise to make things work if I like them.
I went on a date with a woman who was nearly twenty years my senior who had just had twins six years prior. I thought she'd have the maturity to let me know that she was no longer interested but no. The last message she sent me was 'Thanks Jake, it was nice meeting you' and I haven't heard from her since; but, she still hasn't removed me as a match. One of my coworkers thinks it's because she's keeping me in the reserves if she can't find someone better.
Nothing wrong with being single and figuring out what you want deep down. I know some people will pressure you and tell you that you need to find someone; but, I've been dealing with that most of my life and I just tell them that it'll happen when it happens and if I get a date between now and then, great.Yeah. I don't think I know what I want right now. I could give you a reason then I would change my mind and give you a completely different reason. I don't want to do that until I know for sure and that's why I need to be single right now. But for the most part, I think it's because I haven't met the right girl yet.
Nothing wrong with being single and figuring out what you want deep down.
I don't blame you. The dating game has changed and until the courts become more neutral and stop leaning so much towards women, regardless of what the evidence says to the contrary, it's going to be a minefield and I feel a lot of guys will avoid commitments because of it.As for not dating anyone, including women who has kids. I prefer to be single for now and re collect my emotions and mental self. I like to save my money, not give it away. I'm not ready to financially support someone else or their kids right now. I'm just not in that state of mind anymore.
And yes, It's hard to trust anyone. It really is. Sure, I like relationships. I just don't like it when the person I'm with wants to take everything I own. Since my divorce, I've done nothing but rebuild my life. I like to have nice things.
After that psycho that you've all heard so much about and the aftermath she left behind. All of my family members, including my kids, just want me to stay single because they think I'll go get with another loser girlfriend. Honestly, my family has never liked any of the women I've ever been with. My parents have always promoted, even to my siblings, that we live single lives.
My sister has been through several crappy and abusive relationships where she got pregnant with her son, who is now 4, and she never told the father who lives in another state. Because he beat her. She's now a cop and she dated a guy at her work who she had an physical altercation with. He beat her in her home and threatened to plant drugs in her house and get social services involved and have my nephew taken away and have her fired. He also threatened to kill her and hide her body if she ever told anyone what he was doing to her. So she had a long legal battle with him in court because of her job. To her surprise, he got fired and then he left town.
My brother has been good about avoiding toxic relationships after his first love. He doesn't get attached easily. He didn't hesitate breaking up with women if he so much as feels that they're taking advantage of him. He's always been pretty big about wearing the pants and controlling the relationships. He recently got married and things are going well for him. He and my parents basically have put in fail safes in case the marriage ever goes south and he can get out clean. They're not big fans of marital rights especially after how my ex wife did me.
it's going to be a minefield and I feel a lot of guys will avoid commitments because of it.