I need to vent

Teg

Teg

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So, I really need to vent and I'm going to kick off my membership on this forum by doing so.

I've been with this guy about a year. We are expecting a baby literally 1 month from today and I'm being induced because of health risks to myself. My six-year-old daughter is here visiting from another state. Long story short, he just up and decides yesterday that we are over (no fight or anything), and tells me I have to leave or he's leaving and leaving me with all the responsibilities of our home. Mind you, we just moved in here about a month ago. The lease is in both of our names, all the other bills are in my name, and I am the one that paid for everything to begin with (out of savings because I'm not working so now that's depleted) and I have all the receipts to show it.

Him leaving puts me at risk of losing our place because I'm not working and can't for a minimum of 12 weeks after our daughter is born. Rent is paid till July 1st. And, I'm literally over here just trying to keep it together so my daughter doesn't see how screwed up everything is right now. I can't leave because I literally have no where to go. So I'm just super out of options, lost, hurt, confused and don't even know where to begin.
 
Not sure if you are also looking for additional thoughts but what about womens'/family shelters? My mom says for women or families it's typically not that difficult to secure an apartment like arrangement for you and kids. Particularly if you are in this or an abusive situation.
 
FriendlyPerson said:
Not sure if you are also looking for additional thoughts but what about womens'/family shelters? My mom says for women or families it's typically not that difficult to secure an apartment like arrangement for you and kids. Particularly if you are in this or an abusive situation.
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Oh, I'm not leaving the apartment that I paid for. I am, however, going to call welfare on Monday and see if I can get some help until my unemployment kicks in. Once I file a claim tomorrow, they will owe me for 8 weeks. Hopefully, I get it this week, if not, I'm still considering other options. But we just moved in here a month ago... I paid for all of it and I'm not losing it over his BS.
 
Well, even if this person isn't with you (for whatever reason he chose to leave) you can still get him for child support. Or at least I would think so.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It really sucks!
 
Teg said:
Oh, I'm not leaving the apartment that I paid for. I am, however, going to call welfare on Monday and see if I can get some help until my unemployment kicks in. Once I file a claim tomorrow, they will owe me for 8 weeks. Hopefully, I get it this week, if not, I'm still considering other options. But we just moved in here a month ago... I paid for all of it and I'm not losing it over his BS.
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Fair warning, the department seems to be backed up in a lot of states, I be prepared to spend all day trying to get hold someone and hope they can pay out soon. Best of luck to you on everything.
 
Due to his timing on leaving, I would say he either doesn't want this baby or he's afraid of becoming a father. It wouldn't surprise me if he denies he is the father. If I were you, I would unbeknownst to him, get a sample if his DNA. Easy ways to do it would to collect samples such as: hair, a toothbrush he uses ( hide it ), a can or glass he drank from. Proven he's the father through DNA testing, he is now on the hook for child support.

As far as the apartment goes, I wouldn't worry right now about getting kicked out. Landlords have to give you a 30 day notice to vacate if rent isn't paid. By then, you'll have money coming in.

Take care of yourself and your kids and let this loser go.
 
Demon_skeith said:
Fair warning, the department seems to be backed up in a lot of states, I be prepared to spend all day trying to get hold someone and hope they can pay out soon. Best of luck to you on everything.
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Exactly which is why I brought that up, ideally they should be able to get it but that isn't always the case.

Kylie said:
As far as the apartment goes, I wouldn't worry right now about getting kicked out. Landlords have to give you a 30 day notice to vacate if rent isn't paid. By then, you'll have money coming in.
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How would you know? Would it still not be effective to look into alternative shelter options in addition if SHTF happens to them?

For instance my mom had to wait six weeks for her unemployment to occurs and that was before all of this pile up (when the Pandemic was "very fresh").
 
I'm very sorry this has happened. Some men just aren't cut out to be parents. I hope you find the happiness you deserve. Hang in there.
 
Terminated said:
I'm very sorry this has happened. Some men just aren't cut out to be parents. I hope you find the happiness you deserve. Hang in there.
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Being a parent is frightening for everybody involved. I think part of the problem men face is that we don't have the bonding experience of pregnancy and such we often worry that we will be ill prepared.
 
Kylie said:
Due to his timing on leaving, I would say he either doesn't want this baby or he's afraid of becoming a father. It wouldn't surprise me if he denies he is the father. If I were you, I would unbeknownst to him, get a sample if his DNA. Easy ways to do it would to collect samples such as: hair, a toothbrush he uses ( hide it ), a can or glass he drank from. Proven he's the father through DNA testing, he is now on the hook for child support.

As far as the apartment goes, I wouldn't worry right now about getting kicked out. Landlords have to give you a 30 day notice to vacate if rent isn't paid. By then, you'll have money coming in.

Take care of yourself and your kids and let this loser go.
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I agree with this 100%. I'd go with this if it were me (but that's just if I were in your position).
 
It's interesting how everyone has replied to this... when I vent I want people to agree with me or get pissed off together with me instead of offering solutions....

So, assuming you didn't do something terrible that we don't know about, then he sounds like a coward and a complete dick, whatever is broken in a relationship there are better ways to deal with it and sort it out than just to announce that you are leaving with no discussion and no reasoning.

Also, if the lease is in both of your names, then surely he is liable for half of the rent whether he lives there or not. You can either chase that and make him pay it, or if you are not going to make sure he is removed from the lease so he has no rights of access and can't cause other issues.
 
Ashlynn S said:
It's interesting how everyone has replied to this... when I vent I want people to agree with me or get pissed off together with me instead of offering solutions....
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I used to do this a LOT on Reddit and MOST people were appreciative or at the very least understanding of my intentions to listen and propose a solution concurrently.

I do that because sitting around and birching about something isn't gonna make the situation any better BUT I do realize at the same time some TLC might just be required instead of "here a solution, go crazy with it".
 
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